This is for the friends who have asked me how I went about finding a loving, healthy relationship in my late sixties. You know who you are and I truly hope you find the happiness you are seeking.
Finding love at this late time in my life was an unexpected surprise, but looking back I realize I did spend time preparing for that possibility. We’ve all been told…If you want your life to blossom…you have to prepare the soil in your own garden of life!
Spend quiet time getting to know yourself…..I spent a goodly amount of time looking at myself in my spiritual mirror. It was important to me to feel entirely comfortable and happy in my own life before asking someone else to join me; and I wanted to be sure I wasn’t just filling a void in my world with a relationship.
Getting quiet enough to really hear what’s going on inside your head and your heart is the key to so many things in life. My prayer each day is: “Please help me become quiet enough to hear what I need to hear…and give me the strength, courage, and wisdom to follow the guidance I receive.”
The work I was doing was sometimes stressful with long hours, but it was meaningful, and I felt I was an important, integral part of a community. I felt fulfilled. Family and friends were close and I found time to spend on recreation and creative pursuits. Life was good…and there were evenings when I turned up the music and danced in the living room all by myself with overwhelming joy in my heart.
Ask yourself if you truly want a partner… I’ve always
said that everything in life is sweeter when it’s shared. Eventually, a strong desire to share the sweetness of what I was feeling rose up in my heart, and I knew I was ready to welcome a special someone into my life.
I felt whole, I had a really good idea of who I was looking for, and I fully believed we would eventually find each other.
Create a really clear picture of the person you want to share your life with… My daughter in law, Laura, told me I magically conjured up Mark and maybe I did! Mark and I often say that our relationship feels like magic.
Consciously, I set aside time to think about the traits my ideal man would have, and as I thought of them I wrote them down. Eventually I had a detailed description of the kind of person I wanted to share my life with, and I could hold it in my hands and in my heart.
Clear away the old to make room for the new… I began clearing out the old to make room for the new by identifying old, familiar patterns of behavior that had never served me well. I took a hard look at those patterns, and tried to understand how they had failed me so I could leave them behind.
I was committed to creating new, healthier, happier pathways in the world of my relationships, especially with men. When my special someone appeared in my life he would have to be willing to make this same commitment with me.
I moved clothes around in one of my closets to make a little room for someone else to hang their things; and I left a place in my kitchen cupboard right next to my tea cup for someone to set their coffee mug.
When I imagined a partner I saw the two of us sitting next to each other, facing forward, looking ahead at the joyful things, as well as the difficult things, that would be shared in our lives.
Believe it can really happen…I not only believed it “could” happen…I believed it “would” happen! Occasionally, moments of doubt would creep in, but I held onto my belief, chose faith, and knew that sooner or later our paths would cross and become one. It happened!
All of this may sound like too much work, or too much time spent on an imagined possibility, but in reality, preparing the soil in my garden took very little time, gave me a far greater understanding of myself, and brought me such beauty!
If you’re truly interested in finding a partner I encourage you to prepare the soil in your own garden. What do you have to lose?
Remember…..When you’ve found your special someone and you are both committed to doing whatever it takes to create and maintain a healthy, loving relationship…It’s magic!