Learning to Fly

Earlier in my life I strived to be a good daughter…a good wife…a good mother…a good friend…strived to be good at everything…but the problem was….. in my pursuit to be seen by others as “good”…. I was giving away all my good stuff!
For a long time I believed I could do it all…work, make a home, love and support others, offer guidance when asked, lend an ear when needed, help fulfill dreams of others when possible, and still have energy and time remaining to love myself and fulfill my own dreams. However, when it came time to sit and reflect and give vision to my own dreams, I was exhausted, or the dreams were buried so deeply I could unearth only a glimmer of their shining beauty.
Sometimes I would catch a faint glimmer, and hear their small, distant voices, but I never looked or listened for very long, nor did I heed the messages they were trying to send me. There was too little time and there were other louder voices that clamored for and received my attention.
A couple of times I attempted to realize a cherished dream but encountered too many obstacles along with too little support to see them fully blossom. Other times I purposely buried my dreams because I felt that if I attempted to fulfill them it would seriously rock the boat my spouse and I were sailing along together on. Did I mention I don’t always enjoy sailing?
Mostly though, I see now that I was just too fearful to pursue my own dreams with the same intensity I gave to the fulfillment of others’. My early upbringing in a household with a mentally unstable mother instilled a strong need for stability, conventionality, and safety in my life. The thought of rocking the boat just made me sick to my stomach, and of course there was always the possibility that the boat might capsize and sink!
Guess what?? My conventional, stable, safe boat capsized and sank despite my best efforts!
Believe me, there were lots of reasons that helped sink that boat; however, there is a big part of me that feels if I had spent less time being fearful, more time listening to those inner voices and making a greater effort toward realizing some of those personal dreams…then maybe I would have overcome my fears…and maybe even enjoyed sailing more. Hmmm….sailing…maybe not!
I feel fortunate today because I was able to pull myself out of the water when my boat sank. I dried off, gathered my resources, created a safe harbor for myself, worked hard, followed a dream, lost another piece of ego, and then…I chose to learn how to fly.
I’ve been flyin’ for a while now and I love it! I’ve met and overcome some fears, I’ve taken time to listen to those small, distant voices, and I’m unearthing some of those long buried dreams. I’m bringing them to the light and who knows where they’ll go from here?
I encourage you to take time today…not tomorrow… not next Tuesday…today… to really listen to your inner voices, look at your shining dreams, meet your fears, and become your best, whole, authentic self.

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