My Time Now

Recently at a movie theatre I was absorbed by the tale of a young boy becoming a grownup, loving imperfectly, loving imperfect people, staying true to his own heart, embellishing reality, and holding onto cherished beliefs and dreams about life in spite of other’s challenges and failures around him. As I watched I was reminded that we are each a single, yet connected thread in this intricate, fascinating tapestry we call life. With that reminder a flood of loving thoughts, pleasantly prickly sensations, and heartfelt realizations washed over me from head to toe, again and again. I was being bathed in emotion.
It seems these days my senses are heightened and I feel as though I’m truly living in the moment, fully present to myself and the world around me, nurturing a relationship with myself, loving who I am, and who I’m becoming. Friends are dearer, each bite of food a delight, work is fulfilling, emotions quicken exquisitely, and laughter and joy are easily found.
I feel stronger than I have in a long while because fears have been met and conquered, a few heavy burdens have been lifted, and the edge of the path I’m traveling is littered with negative thoughts and opinions others may have of me that I have cast aside. They are no longer my concern.
My divorce is final and with the passage of time I’m feeling more gratitude than sadness. I’ve wrapped up the hard work, sad and sometimes bitter feelings of my other mother’s estate after a very long two years, and no longer feel the necessity to bring the vision of peace to those in my family who choose not to see.
I feel light and light-headed, and am finding my wings, polished with beauty and strengthened by resolve. For the first time in a long time I know where I’m going as I fly toward the oasis that’s been hidden until now, only seen in occasional glimpses caught from the corner of my eye. Today I see the promise of a weary spirit’s thirst being quenched by this oasis of cool elixir that holds the key to discovering who Elle really is. This is my time now.

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